A Public DM: Can I Talk To You In Private?
Photo credit: Samantha, courtesy of Flickr
I use two Twitter accounts. One (@ShakirahDawud) is mostly for communicating mostly with colleagues and people of interest in my field. The other (@DeliberateInk) is mostly for finding and communicating with the businesses and industries I’m out to serve. On this second account, as I’m checking out who’s who in Clientopia, I notice every other time someone follows me I get a tap on the shoulder: a direct message.
Let’s freeze the frame on that finger just before it hits my scapula. On my ShakirahDawud account, a direct message means someone I enjoy observing and engaging with on Twitter (and perhaps elsewhere) wants to say something to me alone. It’s a treat, and I’m all ears. And they’re people from whom I never heard a peep directly after my initial follow.
Back to the finger just as it digs into my shoulder. When I turn to look, I’m sorely disappointed by:
- “Come buy stuff, FREE! Can’t get enough? Like me on Facebook, too! Expect more of the same in my tweets!”
- “Thank you for following humble little me, whatever that’s worth (not much, or I’d have thanked you myself, since I’m actually on Twitter right now).”
- “So what you’ve found me on Twitter? Come talk to me on Facebook!”
- “Something catty that doesn’t at all make it look like I have more than enough time on my hands to send a real hello.”
If someone were to come up and whisper anything like that in your ear in a public setting, you’d quickly find a way to make the creep back off. But I’m getting these messages from respectable business owners, upstanding citizens, and people whose tweeting company I often come to enjoy after that rocky start.
I can’t remember the last time I got a direct message from a complete stranger in my ShakirahDawud account, populated primarily by sensible fellow marketing and writing professionals with networks large and small. Yet I still regularly get them in my DeliberateInk account from well meaning businesspeople out to promote their brands. But that initial direct message gets the same reaction a fly does when it buzzes too near–or worse if the reaction comes from Davina Brewer and the scores of folks who commented on this post. And I promise, no one wants to be the fly. No one’s fast enough.
When I hit follow, I don’t want to do anything in private right then. I want to meet and greet people the way I would on the street, with a nod and a “fancy meeting you again!” here and there as we grow comfortable with each other. I want to exchange a little more dialogue that helps flesh out the kind and color of our relationship (“thanks for the RT–I’m glad such a business-savvy tweep found it worth sharing!”). After we’ve interacted in public with some level of rapport, I’d love to get a direct message from you. By that point, wouldn’t you feel awkward sending an automated one?
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Soulati | PR It has happened once or twice to me, too, and those were nice. They were what I used to do, actually, before being misled for a time by the thinking that an auto-DM was somehow better [insert grimace at past ignorance here].
There is absolutely nothing ignorant about learning. I actually tried to do auto DMs back in the day b/c I thought I should (b/c everyone else did). Good thing I couldn't figure it out! (P.S. Thanks for your many supportive comments at my house. I LOVE your writing; it's one of the best on the Web -- you and @jennwhinnem. ShakirahDawud
Soulati | PR You're welcome--I'm not so graceful at receiving compliments as she is, though [ears getting warm]. Thank you!
Soulati | PR And just make yourself at home; it'll all start looking familiar eventually <g>.
Oh, crumbs. I thought it looked different when you had a guest post recently? OK, I'll stop now; my hole is already deep enough. ShakirahDawud
Soulati | PR [Using all the charm and diplomacy I can muster] Seriously, I almost don't recognize it myself, with so many people! Lol, really, I'm just excited to have you over, and glad you like, Jayme.
I really don't like any DM's prior to any public engagement, seems impersonal & fake, not to mention creepy. 9 times out 10 that annoying poke comes from someone I follow but who is not following me yet, which really gets me! It doesnt get me that they chose to not follow me, it gets me that they can DM because I follow them, but I cannot reply! I don't think that is a fair trade.
I dont need you to DM me info on where else I might find you or like you, chances I are when i chose to follow you I already checked those places out, as I never follow just to follow. I like to read timelines of new people I follow to better get to know them, I click on links in Twitter profiles, visit websites. Having done this research makes reaching out and engaging easier and more worthwhile!
As EricaAllison mentioned, those DM's that scream they have not even looked at your profile are the worst! Usually I will unfollow after those. If you have not taken the time to look at my profile or timeline before you spam me, why should I look at the links you just sent me?
sydcon_mktg Quick update! I just replied back to my most recent Auto DM stalker and said, Hey name, I know you're trying to be helpful here, but I really don't like the Auto DM. Let's start over and try to engage in other ways. Thanks!
No reply back yet...but it felt really nice to do it. :) ShakirahDawud 3HatsComm Samarowais sciEditor
EricaAllison ShakirahDawud 3HatsComm Samarowais sciEditor I would love to do that, but it seems for me, I usually cant reply back because they are not following me!! ARGH!
sydcon_mktg Isn't that always it? The impotence of my rage, lol! Well, that's why I wrote this post, hoping to reach folks I otherwise wouldn't.
sydcon_mktg EricaAllison ShakirahDawud Samarowais sciEditor And when THAT happens, it's time for one my 'randomly scheduled' tweets ranting on how crappy Auto-DMs are. ;-)
EricaAllison A while back I got a message like that, polite but sufficient to let me know she was put off. That was when I started thinking about it. Not long after, I got rid of everything. So who knows--you may have at least started some thought!
sydcon_mktg Same here, I like to check people out, and that mini-scan instinct has developed considerably as I've become more active. And that non-reciprocal DM power drives me nuts!
Sounds like what you're saying is, "online life is real life, so use your same standards of behaviour." That makes sense. Of course, there are skeevy markets everywhere; even in real life. (Skeevy is a great word, 3hatscomm!) If social media is about engaging with your audience, automation seems to go counter to the very core principle.
sciEditor Yep. Personally, I don't mind when it comes to publicly RTing or sharing; let 'em rip using any machine you want. If I want to read and follow, I will do that. But if I find you standing on my doorstep, please be there for tea or a special business offer you know for sure I'd love to *benefit* from. I don't want to deal with a sales call or a clone.
ShakirahDawud sciEditor One problem with that, 'social' isn't at a lot of core principles at all. Neither is engagement. Different strokes.
And 'automation' that's a whole other can of worms when you talk about it vs. scheduling and blind tweeting (tweeting your 'friends' stuff w/ out reading it via a queuing system). I have more rants in me on that, not from a whiney purist side, just.. when I see feeds that I know have A LOT of that kind of automation.. just recycling all the big name tweets for their own - and here comes another rant on not attributing the source - it inches me closer to my unfollow button on some people, a few I really like. Still thinking.. hmm.
3HatsComm sciEditor You know, I get the same itch. There was a certain point when I was following a few people and began to realize they were all tweeting the same thing! The exact same blogs (big name) every single day. Yeah... a couple had to go. In my case there were no hard feelings because I hadn't interacted with them.
And of course we read Gini's about blind tweeting, and a little before then I mentioned an idea for a similar post to @soulati a little before then, because it's a biggie. And thanks for pointing out you're not a "whiney purist"; we won't stand for any social media snobbery on this blog, lol. Seriously, though, after you've been chafing for a while, some itches start crying out to be scratched.
I love rants, and yours are some of the best. Let lose, lady!
ShakirahDawud sciEditor Soulati | PR Yeah.. I've seen some repurposing go on and know these are the exact types to unfollow me the second I unfollow them, no loss there. A few of them, I am a little over the RT of every Mashable, Brogan, CopyBlogger tweet out there; and even more annoyed by tweeting them 'as their own.' I get mean and slight them the RT .. just include the real authors. ;-)
I'm guilty of sharing the 'same stuff' all the time, trying to mix it up if I can. It's why I don't visit Danny or Gini or Mark everyday, I do TRY to be a little more creative, open to new things.
You can't be on Twitter 24/7.. not if you want to stay gainfully employed elsewhere or shower once in a while. I get that. Some businesses are courting clients from around the world, so I can even get a little time-shifting and scheduling strategy. But end of the day, I'm on when I am on and can't see it helping me or my followers to set the tweet-o-matic on maximum overdrive just to get 10 new followers? 1 more RT?
Anyway I've gotten off topic but it's part of it... the approach to the interaction online and MMV. Luckily we've got that unfollow button, which I think I may go give a little workout.
3HatsComm sciEditor Soulati | PR Davina, after I got over my shock that you do something so mercenary that I believed I was the only one doing it (you hide it so well with your generous sharing 'round the world, Ms. Brewer), I started wondering how many more of us do this same thing. And what Twitter would look like if we didn't. The mind quails at how often we'd all see the same--what--3 faces in our Twitter stream.
This is another blog post in itself, what say you?
What gets me is that there are still marketers out there recommending it. Worse than the 'sure you can automate it all, so long as you pretend to engage elsewhere' thing, someone still thinks they get 'results' with an Auto-DM. It started as an act of courtesy but if that's all you want, why can't it be public? Why not @ reply to people and mix it up? IDK.. it's just skeevy and not for me. If I ever do a Part Deux, I'll add this one to the list. FWIW.
3HatsComm Yeah, I don't think people are doing this for no reason. Seriously? I would never have done it if it wasn't made to look like a prerequisite of being a professional tweep. I started out by replying to folks by name and wishing them a good day in their location. But according to what I read, that wasn't necessary and could be keeping me from "getting attention for my brand."
Shakirah, you've hit the finger on the collar bone with this one! :) It is a tad creepy, isn't it? I just got a DM yesterday asking me how they could help me with marketing and social media. If they had taken even just a minute to look into my profile, they'd see that PR/M/SM are what I do for a living. I just may send them this link in my reply. Love it.
EricaAllison "If they had taken even just a minute to look into my profile, they'd see that PR/M/SM are what I do for a living." Ya know???
As I tweeted, this didn't used to bother me so much, but as I noticed the difference between my two accounts I had to say something. How did half of us get the memo and the other half didn't?
ShakirahDawudEricaAllison
The half that didn't get the memo have those bogus Social Media gurus working for them. To be honest, I put a lot of stock into how one interacts via DM. So if you auto DM me immediately I follow you, you've lost me. If you tell me to connect with you on Facebook or LinkedIn, I don't even want to connect with you on Twitter anymore.
Samarowais EricaAllison I didn't want to cast blame (didn't want the post to get too long), but Samar, you're exactly right. I know, because I was one of those auto-DMers. Somehow it seems whenever you're new at something on the internet the biggest, most bogus names in the business just have this extra special sparkle to them. They're needy-newbie magnets. And there's where the importance of testing marketing comes in. That, and remembering that your routine is not set in stone. "No news" in marketing is never good news.
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Nice redesign of the blog; it's quite appealing! Or am I just batty and you did nothing? If that's the case, I'm totally embarrassed!
When I like a DM most is when they hit my profile and have to find my first name and mention something we have in common. That's happened once or twice. Otherwise, kaphlooey.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
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